THE SECRET OF ANGEL FOOD CAKE
I had a dream about some ethereal dog I somehow acquired the other night. My subconscious is all about the anime sparkles over kissing dogs’ foreheads, it seems.
omg okcupid made me a moderator
For queers to make things work can be pressure as well as a project. You know that if there is a break up it can fulfill an expectation that such relationships are less lasting, less secure; fragile. There is a kind of queer fatalism at stake here: that to be on a queer path is to hurtle toward a miserable fate; queer as self-shattering. And then if things do shatter (as they do tend to do) you have fulfilled an expectation that “this” is where being queer led you to.
We can note from these examples of queer or mixed intimacies how some relationships are assumed to be inherently broken, as if their fate is to break. And this is difficult: the assumption of fragility can make something fragile; just think of how you can become clumsier when you are trying to be careful not to break what easily breaks. Or think of how if you are already known as the clumsy one, you might become even more afraid of breakage, because you know that if there is a breakage, you will be judged as the one who is behind it. The harder you try the more you seem to slip up. Or think of how leaving the accepted social paths can be to leave behind support systems, those institutional ways of holding, protecting, nurturing. To leave a support system can mean to become more fragile, less protected from the bumps of ordinary life. And though fragility might be a consequence it can be recruited as cause: as if you willfully caused your own damage by leaving the safety of a brightly lit path. No wonder so much queer and feminist invention comes from creating our own support systems.”
things i don’t care about
gender: “Girl” (the 2005 hit single by Destiny’s Child)
I don’t have a lot of money and I don’t have a car and I have to work in food service to make a living and there are lots of things that I wish I could be doing but can’t and there are a lot of things I will never be and there are a lot of bad things that have happened to me and a lot of bad things that have happened to the people I love. I will never be white and I will never be a boy and I will never be skinny. Maybe I will never have money and maybe I will never love my body.
But I am here and I have so much love in my heart and no one can ever take that away from me. I am here and I am enough and I am happy and that’s all I need.
P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”
assigned… at birth? holy shit, that assignment must be so overdue, i hope this gender doesn’t effect my GPA